Portly Dyke's Guide to Things That Do Not Exist
Saturday, December 22, 2007

Posted byPortlyDyke at 12:00 PM 3 comments  

Labels: Advice, Freedom, Politics, Queers, Shakesville, Speaking Up, Truth, Xtians

Happy Solstice
Friday, December 21, 2007

Well, some of you may be glad to hear that one of my Winter Solstice pledges was to return to daily blogging.

For those of you who don't have a clue what it might mean to actually "celebrate" the Solstice, read Jeff Fecke's post over at Shakesville.

In the past, celebration of the Winter Solstice for me often meant sitting with others in some kind of sacred circle. In recent years, my Winter Solstice celebrations have usually been solitary by choice.

The pleasure of tuning into the Solstices and Equinoxes, the full and new moons, is the pleasure of touching a part of me that is purely physical/chemical/animal. I like acknowledging the cycles of the planet that I live on, and the solar system that contains it. It helps me make sense of my own cycles.

So tonight, at 10:08 PST, I was out in the wild December wind, preparing to put a Madrona log that I had carved a few months earlier into the fire, trying to sense that moment when the Earth began to tilt in a new direction in relation to the Sun.

No matter where you are right now on this planet, our mutual status as terrestrial residents gives us this shared experience. You may be moving from Summer towards Winter, or Winter towards Summer, but we are moving together.

Happy Solstice.
Portly Dyke

Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:23 PM 0 comments  

Labels: Consciousness, Fulfillment, Hope, Shakesville, Spirituality

I Think I'm Blushing
Monday, September 17, 2007

Well, I've been invited to contribute at Shakesville. I feel like I'm getting to "play with the Big Kids", and I'm somewhat, but not totally, daunted by the prospect.

I actually said "I'm honored" twice in my first post over there. Geez, I feel like a flustered teenager meeting a celebrity at the 7-Eleven.

Anyhoos -- thought I'd let you all know that I'll be blogging there, too. Most likely, I'll cross-post stuff from here.

A new adventure! And just about the time my parental duties were over. Hmmmm.

Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:06 AM 3 comments  

Labels: Shakesville

Stat-Heads and Integrity
Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The internet is strewn with information. It's my delight, and my dread.

Recently, when perusing one of Kate Harding's fabulous posts on Shakespeare's Sister, there was what I affectionately refer to as a "Stat Fling".

I'm a Stat-Head. I admit it. I can calculate a mean, median, mode, and range with the best of them. I worked for the guberment -- for ten years (don't get me started).

Basically, a commenter was citing some studies in order to reinforce their point.

So, being the dutiful commenter that I am (and it being my day off and all), I followed the link to the cited study and actually scrolled down to the research abstracts at the bottom of the article, and went from the abstracts to the full text of the study and determined who funded the study, and researched the funding entity, and, and, and . . . . (you can read it in the comments to that post).

The long and short of it is this: Statistics mean exactly SHITE.

I know this, because I used to generate a quarterly report so that the Reagan-Era Congress would not cut a wonderful program that helped low-income elderly people. I never lied. I never falsified anything, but you can be damn sure that I highlighted, in my abstract, the statistics that backed my point of view, knowing that the abstract was all that most decision-makers would ever see.

The grace and grotesquery of the information age is this:

I have, at my literal fingertips, a world of information--

And I can pervert that information it however I want, if I want to.

So it is, that my electronic experience has challenged my own integrity in ways that I never imagined.

The other day, I actually typed (yes, I did, I admit it) an insult about the size of some person's (I would say "guy", but that was an assumption, I now realize) pee-pee. As if I would care what size his/her pee-pee was -- even if I was his/her lover. As if that is in any way an adult or thoughtful or emotionally mature manner in which to communicate (and I do generally consider myself adult, and usually, thoughtful and emotionally mature-- although I did warn you about Teh Temper).

It's worse than that, though -- I wrote the insult in a way that was very oblique -- stated in such a way that , if the commenter had confronted me, I could have said "Well, I didn't actually say that you had a small pee-pee -- if you inferred it, then what does that say about you." How Ann Coulter of me.

It's been haunting me a bit. That is NOT who I want to be. It's just so tempting when I'm feeling pissed off and over it and all righteously wrathful and shit.

And there is the little, nasty voice inside me that says: "It's one comment in millions -- no one will notice."

I notice, though.

Those of you who read my entry from yesterday may note that I commented about "an unexpected turn of events" at home. It wasn't anything huge -- but it touches on what I'm speaking to today.

I'm fairly smart. I have a big vocabulary, and a memory that has a peculiar facility for assimilation of facts and figures. I was on the debate team. I can remember shit, and if we're in an argument, I can whup you up one side and down another with these combined skills/propensities.

I didn't actually have an argument last night. I just talked with a friend about an argument that I had in the past, and her perspectives on this argument. She pointed out to me (in her own rather oblique way) while my particular skill-set might enable me to "win" the argument, it might actually prevent me from connecting with the human at the opposite podium.

I hate that, but I think she's at least partially right.

The whole point of this post is that I want to lay down my "statistics stick" -- partially because it's a lame weapon anyway -- if my own logic and knowing can't support my position, why would I go running to some study that backs my opinion? Because the fact is, at this point, I can pretty much find a study that will support or oppose any particular opinion I want it to.

Sure, if someone parries and thrusts at me (or my friends) with a statistic that's lame, I will probably be tempted to "fight fire with fire". I may even give into that temptation. I adore research, and the internets, and a good argument. (No to mention the excuse to break out Teh Temper once in a while.)

Yet somehow, in my digital guts, I sense that it takes me away from the intention with which I float out to the great electronic ocean each day -- to connect with other beings, and through this, to connect with myself.

In parting I will just say this: I fucking love my computer.

Posted byPortlyDyke at 6:54 PM 5 comments  

Labels: Bad Behavior (Mine), Bad Behavior (Others), Connection, Poo in the Kiddie Pool, Shakesville, Smart People, Statistics, Teh Internet

No, Seriously Folks -- Community
Monday, June 25, 2007

I've been following the posts and comments at Shakesville's temporary old/new platform for the past four days now.

I was directed to view Shakesville (may it emerge in Splendor again SOON) many months ago by a friend whose intellect I greatly admire, and whose ethics I trust. I had read/sampled/surveyed many blogs, but something about Shakesville (at that time, Shakespeare's Sister) captured me. I lurked for a long time before commenting.

Here's what I found that kept me coming back to that blog:

1. Smart people (bloggers and commenters alike) who did things like read books, think about things, write/talk about things, watch film and television and surf the web with some kind of consciousness about how they think the things they were taking in might affect themselves and others.
2. People who possessed the courage of their own convictions, and spoke forthrightly about them, but who were also willing to be challenged by virtually anyone who would engage in intelligent dialogue about those convictions, even if the opinions presented were contrary to the poster's.
   
3. And, perhaps most importantly -- Melissa McEwen, who, in my mind, "holds the space" that is Shakesville, allowing other wonderful bloggers to speak and express and convey, while bringing her own unique intelligence, humor, craft, and art to her posts. I've read a lot of comments at Shakesville, and have witnessed Melissa stepping in to confront even those who might be considered "allies" if she thought their logic fallacious or their expressions in violation of the blog's stated terms -- I've witnessed her rising to the defense of people whose stated opinions don't agree with her own. I call that equanimity.

All of this brings up all sorts of questions for me.

How is it that I can feel a certain void in my life because my usual mode of connection with posters/commenters -- people that I have never met, and may never meet face-to-face -- has been shifted?

What role does this one woman play in creating a point of gravity to which so many intelligent, witty, and delightful people (imo) have been drawn?

What responsibility, if any, do I have in supporting the community that has so supported me, by feeding and nurturing me daily with their thoughts, expressions, arguments, dialogues, and discussions?

It is strange, and exhilarating, to me, that I somehow "know" people that I do not know. That somehow, we are connecting through the mathematics of electronic communication, and that these questions are stimulated in my brain. I can imagine the 1s and 0s of my computer thinking "Thank You! Did you finally figure out what we're really good for? Took you long enough! -- Asshat!"

I said in a previous post "Here's to the asshats! (OK, maybe not so much.)"

I'm re-thinking that. In truth, I'm not sure I would have come to full awareness of how much Shakesville had become an extension of my concept of community, if this DOS attack had not been perpetrated.

So now, I'll say to the asshat perpetrator(s), in total sincerity: Thank you.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to understand my privilege. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to know what I had gained from, by providing me with its absence.

See, I told you I would alternate between wild rant and cross-transferent empathy.

Posted byPortlyDyke at 9:46 PM 4 comments  

Labels: Community, Melissa McEwen, Shakesville, Smart People, Solidarity, Trolls

Solidarity -- Having the Shakes
Friday, June 22, 2007

Yesterday, a friend of mine declared that she would be blogging daily. Since I am jonesing so bad from lack of Shakesville, I am making the same commitment. For those of you who don't already know, Shakesville is under a DOS attack.

And in solidarity with all the Shakers, I am sending out a dykely/witchly chant that all Shakesville's servers may be healed and become eternally invulnerable to twits, wimps, weiners, and bullies everywhere. I will also be making a donation.

I happen to believe in the concept that "what you resist, persists".

I can't believe that the asshats who are perpetrating the attack don't see how precisely they validate the importance of the voices at Shakesville by their actions.

This will simply draw more readers to the blog, stimulate more donations, give more press. Here's to the asshats! (OK, maybe not so much.)

Ironic, no? Far from moving me into the silence they hope for, they have simply stiffened my resolve. Yesterday, a luke-warm lazy-ass blogger, today a keen and dedicated blogger.

I will not shut up. I don't believe that any of the Shakers will shut up. I notice that Phydeaux is Speaking, Mustang, WKW, etal -- and thank heavens for that. I loved that, even while one group that I think of as my community (Shakesville bloggers) were down with the electronic flu, I could get word of them via the rest of the dedicated souls who WILL NOT SHUT UP!!

There are various comments flying about regarding who perpetrated the attack -- and why -- Was it Christians, Fat-0-Phobes, Rape Apologists, or Wing-Nuts?

Were they complaining about the sacrilege of portraying Jesus in chocolate?

Were they maddened by the perversion of displaying beautiful fat women as . . . well . . . beautiful fat women?

Were they aghast at the audacity of 'Liss calling "bull-shit!" about one-liners about rape on the carpet by displaying the not-so-subtle heinousness of these toss-off comments?

Were they protesting the supposedly traitorous activity of examining the state of our nation from a rational point of view?

I've got my money on a lunatic response to fat-acceptance or the possibility of real change in awareness about rape in our society.

I think that folks in the business of hatred and separation must realize, at some visceral level, if not consciously, that shifting consciousness about these issues works at a completely different level than simply talking about politics or religion.

Cause the fat girl is next door, or in your house, or in yourself, and the rape victim is, too, and if you had to change your awareness and behavior about something that close to your own actual life, who knows what kind of cascading transformation might be set off by it?

I've been a full-on, in-your-face political activist, human rights activist, and anti-war protester at various times in my life. I've worked on skid-row with addicts and alcoholic homeless folk. I've confronted screaming homophobes in parking lots.

But the toughest choices I've ever made, and I think, the most powerful activist moments I have participated in, have been in the comfort of my own living room talking with my best friend about why it was important to talk about the sexual abuse she had experienced, under the flourescent lights of my parent's house as I told my Dad that I was fine with how much I weighed, or standing in the yard with my neighbor as I asked him not to vote for a measure that would deny gays the right to foster and/or adopt children, even if he is a Christian.

I gave up "traditional" activism because I believe, from experience, that the up-close and personal approach is more effective.

I think that's what I feel at Shakesville -- a sense of community, though we may be miles, or continents, apart -- a sense of the willingness to get up close and personal with one another as we discuss the issues.

That's why I go back there. That's why I "Have the Shakes" tonight.

Let's have a Phoebe Snow moment, shall we?

"Never shutting up, never shutting up, never shutting up . . . . "

Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:07 PM 5 comments  

Labels: Censorship, Consciousness, Freedom of Speech, Shakesville, Solidarity, Speaking Up, Trolls, True Stories