Moving Day -- PLEASE NOTE!
15 years ago
Showing posts with label Video. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Video. Show all posts
I Blog in the Middle of the Night
Monday, May 5, 2008
Watch this, and be glad of cats:
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:55 PM 3 comments
There Are Days
Sunday, April 20, 2008
When I just want to see something that I know will tickle my fancy -- that's why this video remains in my favorites list -- forever:
and also why I "StumbleUpon", regularly:
Posted byPortlyDyke at 1:05 AM 6 comments
Labels: Funny Fluff, Humor, Video
You Know -- Sometimes Humans ARE Amazing
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Yes, I'm back to daily blogging. Really. Truly. For Real. Even if it's "just" fluff about my wild, wacky, unpredictable species:
Amazing Transformable Chair - Funny bloopers are a click away
Posted byPortlyDyke at 1:05 AM 2 comments
Funny Women
Thursday, March 13, 2008
I've been writing a lot recently about men and women and feminism and misogyny and sexism. So . . . . .
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:50 PM 5 comments
Labels: Feminism, Humor, Video
Self-Image
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Posted byPortlyDyke at 2:01 AM 4 comments
Labels: Body Acceptance, Humor, Video
Have I Ever Told You . . . .
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
. . . . how much I love Joy Nash (creator of the "Fat Rant" on youtube)?
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:24 PM 0 comments
Labels: Body Acceptance, Fat, Humor, Video
Becoming Insult-Proof
Monday, March 3, 2008
I don't get a lot of hostile commenters at this blog -- it's small and insignificant (except to me and a handful of readers) -- but at other blogs I frequent as a reader and commenter, I often see insults and invective tossed around.
Hell, I've been known to get in a zinger or two myself, if the asshattedness gets overt enough.
One of the things that amuses me, though, is when someone has attempted to "insult" me by writing things like "You're just a fat lesbo who couldn't get a man if she tried!", or has attempted a frontal assault on a fat-acceptance blog by spouting something like: "You obese cow!", or sallied forth to decimate a progressive feminist blog by screeching "You're all a bunch of man-hating dykes!"
Honestly -- these people need new writers.
Here's the thing about "traditional" insults -- a) they stop having much power after you've heard them a million times (usually from the mouths of people whose ideas about other things seem so wrong-headed that you think: "They don't approve of me . . . . I must be doing something right!"), and b) when people use something that you've already clearly and unashamedly owned, it really isn't much of an insult (ie: "You're just a fat lesbo . . . " -- Hmmm, Let's see -- Portly . . . . Check! -- Dyke . . . . . Check! -- leaving me simply with the desire to type: "Glad you noticed my handle. You get an 'A' for reading comprehension.")
So, tonight, I got to thinking about what someone actually might say to me that I would honestly feel "zinged" by --- and I discovered that there's not much left. I know I'm a roly-poly little pervert, and I not only don't mind that -- I actually like it.
Sure, it's inconvenient being queer sometimes (you know, civil rights, physical safety, and all that bother), but I stopped whining and started working on resolving that crap long ago (moving out of Kansas was a good start), and I'm now at an age where if someone decides they don't like me because I am fat, or queer, -- well -- they just aren't people who I will choose to waste much, if any, of my time on.
Hence, "fat fucking lesbo" doesn't even raise my chin-whiskers anymore.
Someone could accuse me of being stubborn, or relentless, or of monopolizing a conversation -- they could attempt to zing me with comments about how I vacillate, or how I often don't follow through on things that I say I'll do (mumblemumblemumblerepeatedpromisestoblogdaily, coughcough-putting labels on all my posts). They could even go for the soft tissue and accuse me of being a mental case.
But see, they'd be right. So, how would that be an insult?
I suppose they could say something to the effect that, as a queer, I'm worthless, bad, and need to be eradicated from the face of the Earth -- but if they said something like that, they'd just be wrong -- so how would that be an insult?
I think that, in order for an insult to truly "take", it has to be something that simultaneously possesses a seed of truth, and it has to be something that you don't want to own.
If someone wants to call me a loud-mouthed, opinionated know-it-all, and my response is "Yeah, tell me something I don't know,"-- the energy of the intended insult is simply absorbed and that energy then belongs to me. To do with as I please.
My beloved has a phrase for this: Spiritual Aikido.
So as I was cogitating on all this, and wondering what little disowned aspects I might have that could still get me all up and sputtering if they were thrown at me, I got to wondering about trolls and the like, and how they take the insults that are thrown at them -- do they feel wounded or upset by what people say to them? Or do they already know that they are acting like assholes? Just a thought.
I know that coming to a greater knowledge and understanding of myself -- forthrightly facing and owning things that I used to think of as "flaws" in myself (which I now think of as simply "qualities"), has rendered me pretty much insult-proof. I no longer have many heroic images of myself, but I also don't have a big pedestal to get hurled off of.
So, here's a bit of Portly advice for you, if you want it -- next time someone "insults" you, and it upsets you, look for that seed of truth, and how you may want to distance yourself from it -- then either step up and proudly own it -- or, if it's hogwash, leave the speaker to cleanse a pig with it.
I think that this whole line of thought started when I saw the following video clip (again, it's Crackle -- be sure to pause it if you don't want to watch the unending comedy line-up of inconsistent quality that follows the first video) -- this clip was notable to me in that it contains not only the rarity of a woman stand-up, but a woman stand-up of menopausal character.
Notice, however, what "Mrs. Hughes" does with the very first line of her set -- she makes a joke that lets the audience know that she knows she's fat by cultural standards -- thus (I believe) derailing a whole set of possible hecklers. She proceeds to her second line and also lets the audience know that she knows she's "old" by cultural standards.
Having done comedy myself, I recognize the efficacy of this -- I started all my sets (especially if I was playing in a venue that was not primarily LGBT, with a forthright identification of myself as queer -- in a funny way -- for the same reason).
Here's to Mrs. Hughes and becoming "insult-proof".
From Crackle:
Posted byPortlyDyke at 10:08 PM 9 comments
Labels: Humor, Teh Internet, Trolls, Video
A Little Fluff Never Hurt Anyone
Thursday, February 14, 2008
From the fantabulous folks at www.improveverywhere.com, who brought us Frozen Grand Central:
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:55 PM 3 comments
Lawrence Rools!!!!!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I'm pretty sure that my grandparents must have seen the number in the clip below the very week it was broadcast some 35 years ago -- they were die-hard Lawrence Welk fans until the show was canceled (actually, now that I think of it, my grand-dad died before the last show aired -- so he was literally a die-hard fan).
I hated that show, because when we were at my grandparents house, nothing else could exist on the TV if Welk was on -- but damn -- I can't stop watching this clip -- and Brian said it best:
"This is either the most subversive moment in the history of the Lawrence Welk Show, or they didn't have a clue what they're singing, and neither did anyone else on the show. Either way, it's effing brilliant." ~ Brian from Incertus
I love how Dale and Gail try to make it "extra zippy" with that syncopated drop-beat before "hopin' that the train is on time", and Dale's hep-cat bass scatting of "dontcha know that we're-a . . . ".
"There you've heard a modern spiritual by Gail . . . and Dale".
Indeed. Indeed I have.
I'm voting that they had no idea what this song was about -- Gail and Dale look way too perky to be stoners, and if they were taking anything beyond Folgers coffee back in the day, that pinafore would given them both flashbacks for decades.
Gail does look kind of creeped-out by Dale's proximity, though -- maybe that's the weed-induced paranoia setting in -- No -- wait -- never mind -- that's not paranoia, it's just good old-fashioned common sense. (Step away from the man with smarmy hair!)
Then again -- at 00:00:14 of the vid, Myron (yes, I know his name -- Myron Florens --the accordian guy -- I told you they made me watch it!) . . . . . . at second 14, Myron does seem to be exhibiting symptoms of, well . . . . hash-throat.
*waving at txrad*
===========================
(h/t to Brian at Incertus -- and by the way -- if you don't already read Incertus -- well, you know how much I hate the word "should", so I won't say that you "should" read this blog . . . . . I'll just say that I heartily recommend it.)
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:59 PM 3 comments
Labels: Funny Fluff, Humor, Video
Friday Cat Blogging
Friday, February 8, 2008
Not my kitty, but . . . . . DAMN that's cute!
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:53 PM 1 comments
Tuesday Fluff
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
No, really -- it's pretty good -- maybe not so fluffy at all.
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:30 PM 2 comments
Labels: Fluff, Funny Fluff, Video
Something You've Probably Done
Thursday, January 24, 2008
A warning before you read on -- this post is NSFW (not safe for work) -- if you work for anyone who is sex-phobic.
Me?
I work for myself -- and I'm not sex-phobic by any stretch of the imagination, so this post is not NSFW for me.
This post is about masturbation.
Like I said: Something you've probably done.
My astrological complex is: Gemini/Cancer Cusp, Sagittarius Moon, Scorpio Rising.
I could use that to "explain" the importance of sex in my life, but I don't think I need to. I like sex. I've always liked sex.
While there are some people who do not like sex (and by this, I mean people who genuinely do not like sex, as opposed to people who hate the idea of sex, or think that sex is dirty/bad/evil/wrong), and while I completely respect the proclivities of people who do not like sex, I think that there are many people who do like sex, but whose upbringing and cultural entrainment may have steered them away from a complete enjoyment of their own sexuality.
Hence, this post.
About masturbation.
When I was a teenager, Saturday mornings were the only real free time I had. Mon-Fri was School (or a Summer job), dinner, family/homework in the evenings, and Sundays mornings, there was Church to get up for, then more family. Thus, Saturday mornings were preferred masturbation time.
My mother thought I just liked to sleep late (yeah, as if).
As they say: "Practice makes perfect" -- so I did my level best to practice the art of self-pleasure. I also believe that my lovers benefited from my endless self-experimentation, so it's all good.
Please note the following video, and how it's "funny" because it's preposterous to us that people would be this completely frank and open about this uncomfortable subject -- "Playing in a One Man Show", "Engaging in Super-Safe Sex","Much Goo About Nothing", "Tugging the Vertical Smile", "Getting To Know Yourself" (or my personal favorite, courtesy of best-friend -- "Waving at the Pod") -- in short -- Wanking:
I've wanked in many times, spaces, and dimensions, with and without aids, alone and with others. Despite all social commentary to the contrary ("You wanker!", "What? Hole in your inflatable girlfriend again?", etc.) I think masturbation is a good thing, and I say that as a person in a completely satisfying sexual relationship with another human being.
Too often, in our culture, I think masturbation gets short shrift. It's the thing you're supposed to do only if you have no alternative ("alternative" being: sex with another human being). While making love/having great sex with another consenting human is fantastic, there are still times when some "quality time" with yourself and your genitalia can be just the thing.
It's odd to me that something that is so nearly-universal in humans is still the source of humor-through-shame.
Which is why I was glad that I found the following video clip.
When I first saw it, I was absolutely stopped in my tracks, and wondered if it could possibly be "real" -- however, I believe that most of the people on this clip are really doing what you think they're doing -- and the vulnerability of that astounded and still astounds me. This is one of the most amazing videos I've ever seen on the internet.
It's outrageously courageous, in my opinion, and I salute all the brave souls who participated.
Keep doing what you've probably done.
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:54 PM 6 comments
Labels: Humor, Sex, Truth, Very Personal Details, Video
Prepping For An Intense Weekend
I'm teaching a two-day workshop this weekend, so blogging may be sparse in the next few days as I prepare for it. I'll try to make sure I put up at least a bit of entertainment every day.
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:51 PM 0 comments
Loving What You Do
Saturday, January 19, 2008
One of the things that I love about the internet is that it has allowed me to see and read and listen to the products of people who obviously love what they do.
Making sure that I love what I do has been a central theme in my life for nearly 20 years -- and I think I'm getting better and better at it. My Misery-Early-Warning System has been getting more and more sensitive during these two decades. I'm now at a point where I can stand about 5 minutes maximum of doing anything that I hate before I stop (and I usually choose not to do it at all), about 10 minutes of doing anything that I dislike but don't really mind doing, and about 20 minutes of doing something that I feel luke-warm about.
Granted, there are some things that are necessary to surviving and thriving that I used to dislike or hate -- but since they are things necessary to my survival/thrival, I've found ways to turn them into things that I love doing -- or else I've swapped with someone else who loves to do them (taking out the garbage, for example -- I have never found a way to love that -- thankfully, I live with someone who has natural love of garbage-taking-out, but who has never cultivated love-of-spreadsheet -- hence, I keep the accounts, he takes out the garbage).
The thing about cultivating love for what you are doing is that I've found that it (usually) makes you better at doing it. I love cleaning the bathroom -- and I'm really, really good at it. I can turn a moldy, dingy bathroom into a thing of beauty, and enjoy the process.
I believe that there is, however, a difference between simply being really good at something and loving something and being really good at it.
So tonight, I offer you videos of people who (to my eye) are obviously in their bliss -- and the magic that results when people do what they love -- may you spend the day doing only that which delights, inspires, and fulfills you.
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:55 PM 5 comments
Labels: Fulfillment, Video
Every Girl Needs a Theme Song
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Well, thanks to those who suggested some topics. As always, it resurrected me, and I'm working on some posts -- in the meantime:
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:54 PM 2 comments
Labels: Funny Fluff, Video
I've Been Saved
Sunday, January 13, 2008
It's true. I have embraced a personal relationship with my Deity, and once again, my faith has been rewarded.
See, just last night, I was praying that I would find something to blog today that wouldn't require me to take a lot of time and attention from the project that I'm blissfully in love with right now (and which I've been deeply involved in since noon).
And my prayers have been answered.
Who says there is no Supreme Being? Jesus Jesse saves. Can I get an Amen?!?!?!
From Crackle:
Posted byPortlyDyke at 7:43 PM 2 comments
Labels: Funny Fluff, Humor, Mr. Deity, Religion, Video
In Honor of Living Like a Cat Day
Saturday, January 12, 2008
I'm not blogging today. So there!
I am, however, posting videos of squirrels, so that your inner cat may be entertained:
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:55 PM 1 comments
Labels: Cats, Fluff, Funny Fluff, Video
A Little Perspective
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Whenever I get sucked into the maelstrom that is "the current hot topic" on the blogosphere, I generally take a larger perspective in order to re-center myself. This video worked the trick.
We're human, remember? And the universalities of being human that connect us are far more powerful than the things that separate us.
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:50 PM 4 comments
Labels: Connection, Consciousness, Video
The Portly Stand-Up
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
This is another in a continuing series of Portly Parables.
It's true -- I was once a stand-up comedienne.
I'm even in a book about women stand-ups (find me if you can!).
I was Teh Funny.
Stand-up is a very weird gig. You go out on a stage, alone, for the singular purpose of making a bunch of people that you usually don't know -- laugh -- either at you, or with you.
In my experience (and with Joni's eminently sage musical validation) -- laughter is a form of release that is next-door-neighbor/cousin/twin/soul-mate to crying.
My humor was mostly socio-political. I liked the way that humor let me get close to the bone with people -- by making a joke about something like lesbian serial-monogamy, I actually got "humorless" lesbians to chuckle (or at least stir in their chairs a bit).
You see -- I was a not just a stand-up comedienne -- I was an out lesbian stand-up comedienne. My mother pointed out to me at the time that this might not be the most lucrative career choice. I now direct her attention to Ellen and Rosie, and almost wish that I'd stuck with it. Almost. In truth, other things occurred in my life that I would have missed if I were still standing up in that way instead of the way I stand up now.
Here are the things that I liked about doing stand-up:
- People laughed.
- I got to talk about very important, and sometimes, sensitive, issues in a way that people actually enjoyed.
- It required a certain quality of presence and spontaneity that I utterly relished, and new material was always getting created via people who thought they were "heckling" me.
- I attained a marginal level of "famousness", in which people on the street would greet me as if they knew me -- which, in a way, they did, because they had heard me talk about my personal life in very revealing ways -- but I didn't know them at all, and I was often uncertain, when they greeted me in very familiar ways, whether they were someone I actually knew. Awkward.
- I found out that the minute the "powers-that-be" begin to recognize and appreciate your work for its originality, freshness and "edge", they generally want to hire you and then tell you how you "should" be doing your work -- which usually involves removing all hints and traces of originality, freshness, and "edge".
- Traveling constantly did not really serve the "homebody" that was swiftly emerging in me during my late thirties/early forties.
- I'm hard to daunt/embarrass.
- I'm good with a crowd.
- I recognize that humor is a very good tool for examining issues that might otherwise be too painful to look at.
- I don't take myself too seriously.
- I recognize "hecklers" (aka trolls/asshats) as opportunities for entertainment and education rather than the disastrous, soul-crumbling, humiliating challenges that they would like to think they are.
- I laugh a lot.
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:54 PM 3 comments
Labels: Fame, Humor, True Stories, Video
Missing Christmas
Sunday, January 6, 2008
The one thing I like about Christmas is this: People who pay attention to it (even in a marginal and non-religious way) tend to understand that it's a really good excuse to act more humane, if only briefly.
For this one day, and even sometimes in the weeks leading up to it, there's a bunch of people who get all emotional and squishy and generous and vulnerable and peaceful.
Even the people who spend Christmas feeling depressed and lonely are a sign of hope for me -- they seem to "get" at that time (if at no other), that this isn't how it's "supposed" to be -- and that there's no excuse for humans to be isolated.
I even know atheists who can't stand being alone at Christmas, and agnostics who will jump into the Christmas spirit by spreading their bounty to others -- even though they might not be able to explain to you exactly why they did so.
Which brings me to the one thing that I loathe about Christmas: After it's over, everyone -- even those who tout this holiday as the birthday of the "Prince of Peace", and go on about the "Reason for the Season" -- seems quite content to return to the status quo of "dog-eat-dog", "life is hard, then you die", and "every man for himself".
In my opinion, if there is a "miracle" attached to Christmas, it's the miracle of human beings realizing that they are quite capable of exercising their generosity muscles, developing their peace practice, and stretching/flexing their connection fibers.
I want that every day. Not just once a year.
I miss Christmas.
This post was inspired by this song, which has been a favorite of mine for 20 years, and brings me to tears every time I hear it:
Dedicated to Andrew Olmsted
Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:59 PM 4 comments
Labels: Hope, Rampantly Mushy Stuff, Truth, Video
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