Moving Day -- PLEASE NOTE!
13 years ago
I Always Wanted A Brass Brassiere
Friday, December 19, 2008
It's cold outside -- and this has brought to mind phrases about Witch's Tits and whatnot -- and this has set me off on another of my ponderings about such phrases.
I mean, who do you think first coined that particular phrase -- "Colder than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere?"
For that matter, who uttered the initial version of "Slicker than snot on a doorknob"?
Or "Colder than a well-digger's ass"?
Or "Dumb as a box of rocks"?
Who were these people? Will we ever know? Do they mind that we use their witticisms without credit?
Since it is unlikely that you will be able to answer these questions in any definitive manner, please include your own favorites in comments.
Here are some more that I like:
One coupon shy of a toaster.
Sharp as a marble.
Couldn't organize a piss-up in a brewery.
Ugly as a sack of spanners.
Ugly as a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.
Couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.
Posted byPortlyDyke at 12:17 AM
Labels: Fluff
27 comments:
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Personally, I like "a few sandwiches short of a picnic" and "not the brightest bulb in the box". I added to the "dumber than a box of rocks" by saying "not only is he/she/it dumber than a box of rocks, he/she/it is dumber than the box the rocks came in" (what can I say, I'm fond of exaggeration).
"Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top."
Only one oar in the water and rowing in circles
A few cards short of a full deck, and the ones he has are jokers
Dumb as a box of left-handed hammers
=D
I coined one a few years ago that I like..."not the brightest lightning bug in the swarm."
Instead of "not the brightest bulb in the box" I've become fond of saying "not the brightest candle in the chandelier".
Via my Drill Instructor :
As much use as a chocolate teapot.
"Couldn't find your ass in the dark with both hands and a flashlight"
"Need to go around your ass to get to your elbow."
Incidentally, I've never heard the "brass brassiere" part - and the few witches' tits I've had contact with were quite warm.
A few pickles short a full jar.
Kamrin
Queer as a $3 bill.
More issues than a magazine rack.
I'd never heard the boot/piss one. I love it. I might have to use that at the family holiday dinner! FTW!
I'm fond of "not the brightest crayon in the box"
An old girlfriend of mine used to say; "Slicker than owl shit on a wet limb."
and
"I heard that with my bad ear."
I say "not the sharpest spoon in the drawer," which is a mix up of a couple others.
Dumber than a sack of hammers
More issues than National Geographic (this one applies to me)
An anthology of issues in microfiche (this one applies to my ex)
Got hit with the ugly stick
I might respond with more as they come to mind!
If s/he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Doesn't have all hir dogs on one leash.
Couldn't find water if s/he fell out of a boat.
A few clowns short of a circus.
The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
S/he fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Hir sky-light leaks a little.
I seem to have accumulated only insults. But they tend to stick with you, as people will insist on bringing them to mind!
If you had a brain, you'd take it out and play with it.
All my other ones have already been posted. D'oh!
One of the earliest I heard was "Cold as a brass outhouse seat".
One of my current favorites is "A few chips shy of a full circuit board".
this one is for (classical? I dunno if this applies to other kids) musicians only:
Couldn't play "Come to Jesus" in whole-notes.
:o)
kcd
I've always been a fan of "Not the sharpest tool in the shed". And "box of fluffy ducks" and all it's variations (box of fluffies, box of ducks, box of birds, etc). Not sure how someone got fluffy ducks from "I'm fine, thank you", but I guess that's the appeal.
A fellow physics student once turned to me after a particularly curly class & said "My brain's all crispy at the edges". Mmm, crispy brain.
Keith is famous for these.
My favorites include:
--more excuses than a pregnant nun
--couldn't get laid in a mattress factory
--looks like he/she/it was set on fire and beat out with a golf shoe. (very ugly)
--a beer short of a six pack/case.
--couldn't find his/her own ass with both hands and a map.
nothing original to add they've all been tkaern but I've never heard the pour piss out of a boot one so now I'se gots something new!
When people are suprised at my intelligence I respond while pointing to my head "Not just a hat rack my friend."
How about "about as much use as a screen door on a submarine"?
"About as practically useful as an ejection seat in a helicopter."
"Five beers short of a six-pack."
"Not overburdened with sanity/sobriety/intelligence."
"Four wings short of a biplane."
And half-remembered from some Harry Potter fanfic: "He is as strong and forthright as the foundations of Hogwarts themselves: cracked, dangerously unstable, and with a tendency to give off noxious gases."
"Possessed of his own dimmer switch" for someone willfully stupid or ignorant.
Tit's on a Boar?
one I use occasionally...when it applies of course ;-), imo...
Z
If I might break form a little, I was delighted when I accidentally came out with "that's just gravy on the cake," and have used it regularly ever since.
This is my partner's not mine:
It's like trying to shave with a banana.