tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post5419209813099289885..comments2023-04-28T07:38:34.667-07:00Comments on Teh Portly Dyke: Robbing the Hearts of MenPortlyDykehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08598941981828041835noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-82233286860532992602008-04-19T12:06:00.000-07:002008-04-19T12:06:00.000-07:00Also, the main discussion on this post happened at...Also, the main discussion on this post happened at Shakesville, where this entry was cross-posted in March.PortlyDykehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08598941981828041835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-3835081686019639772008-04-19T12:05:00.000-07:002008-04-19T12:05:00.000-07:00The 3 comments that I deleted yesterday (from this...The 3 comments that I deleted yesterday (from this post, which is a month and a half old), were not "critical" -- they didn't comment on the post AT ALL -- just called me names (anonymously - how brave), and left. <BR/><BR/>I deleted them because they were not in any way a discussion of the post at hand. <BR/><BR/>All three of them appeared after Glenn's article was posted.<BR/><BR/>It is not my policy to delete comments which disagree with my position -- however, I do delete comments which serve no other purpose than to demean me as a woman and a lesbian. As Glenn Sacks puts it in his blog: You have the privilege to comment here -- not a right.PortlyDykehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08598941981828041835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-6388970571949705042008-04-19T11:27:00.000-07:002008-04-19T11:27:00.000-07:00You said at Glenn's that you have deleted three ha...You said at Glenn's that you have deleted three hateful comments here. However I don't see _any_ critical comments here at all. Is it because the hateful comments were the only critical comments, or because you actually delete all critical comments, hateful or not?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-4840183823128378842008-03-21T09:51:00.000-07:002008-03-21T09:51:00.000-07:00Thanks for your compassionate post, PD. As a men's...Thanks for your compassionate post, PD. As a men's rights activist who is often in agreement with feminists, I have found another example here. The system of stereotypes and gender roles that has been put in place leads to much misogyny AND misandry. Men and boys are human beings, too, and have all of the emotions associated with that.bmmg39https://www.blogger.com/profile/07677426947413877513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-67814041323319725752008-03-19T10:31:00.000-07:002008-03-19T10:31:00.000-07:00I came this way via Pandagon as well. As mom to a...I came this way via Pandagon as well. As mom to an infant boy, I can say I think your post will resonate with parents of sons. A lot. One poster talked about her husband 'softening' with the birth of a daughter - for us, it happened with our son. Many times my husband turns to me and says something along the lines of "I always thought other parts of his childhood will be fun....teaching him to throw, catch, etc....but it continually blows me away how awesome this stage is." (our son is 6 months) Sometimes he just catches sight of our son smiling and has to run over and pick him up and kiss him. And as for me, well, I find it impossible to believe that someone could look at a tender little infant - a being who, with the right kind of care, pretty much exudes openness and love at all times (unless he's exuding "feed me NOW" or "stinky diaper") - and say that these traits ought to be squashed because they don't befit his gender. I will get between my son and that kind of 'manhood' any way I can. What kind of true strength can come from systematically brutalizing babies?<BR/>Thanks for your post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-40740044327926908582008-03-17T09:53:00.000-07:002008-03-17T09:53:00.000-07:00Hey, I found this post through a link on Pandagon,...Hey, I found this post through a link on Pandagon, and I have to say, wow, you made some seriously great points! I need to show this post to anyone I hear telling me that feminists hate men. Because it proves exactly the opposite.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-40841212060725787102008-03-12T16:50:00.000-07:002008-03-12T16:50:00.000-07:00In thanks, and in answer to your challenge in the ...In thanks, and in answer to your challenge in the Shakesville comments on this, I've <A HREF="http://sweatingthroughfog.blogspot.com/2008/03/looks-family-and-babies-mans-view-of.html" REL="nofollow">my view</A> of what makes like for women so hard.Sweating Through foghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07138602196953744517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-11696831623445296782008-03-12T00:06:00.000-07:002008-03-12T00:06:00.000-07:00PhoenixandTree -- Thanks for your comment, and I h...PhoenixandTree -- Thanks for your comment, and I hope you'll read back and give me a little advice/education. "Effeminate" is butt-puckery for me too, (in the same way mangina is), precisely because it carries the misogynist shame aspect. I agree with that, and found myself in a dilemma when writing that part. <BR/><BR/>It's been my experience that butch gay men don't get targeted the same way that more feminine-presenting gay men do (or straight men for that matter, now that I think of it) -- so I used "effeminate" as an adjective that I thought would be readily understandable to most readers to distinguish that I thought it was the "being like a woman" part that plays into the level of violence. (I almost used "nelly", but that seemed possibly more offensive.) Do you have a word or phrase that seems less offensive to you as a gay man? I almost opted for "feminine-presenting", but that seemed similarly problematic to me, and less generally known.<BR/><BR/>Thanks in advance for any insight you may have for me.PortlyDykehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08598941981828041835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-66484119966739573492008-03-11T23:49:00.000-07:002008-03-11T23:49:00.000-07:00Thanks for writing this, your insights here are re...Thanks for writing this, your insights here are really important. It's crucial to separate out privilege from health, happiness or wholeness. I'm a queer man who has a lot of personality traits - intense emotions, compassion, gentleness - that are associated with femininity. I think it's easier (i.e., more socially acceptable) for queer men to be "feminine," since they're already breaking the rules of masculinity, but it's still hard for me to cry in front of other people (especially men) because of socialization and teasing. It's interesting to me that you compare the socialization of men to trauma. I think there's something to what you said, and I would also say that the rigid restraints and disconnection required to be "masculine" are a factor in why many men choose violence and thus cause (further) trauma. <BR/><BR/>I know you didn't mean it this way but I think the term "effeminate" is essentially a more academic version of "mangina." I mean, it's only used in the context of men being feminine, and carries the connotation of being somehow shameful or unnatural. Why can't men just be feminine? Reading "effeminate" makes me cringe a little.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-84108511754832290832008-03-11T16:18:00.000-07:002008-03-11T16:18:00.000-07:00Well done, PD. The points you raised needed to be ...Well done, PD. The points you raised needed to be said. <BR/><BR/>Personally, I want feminism to be as big as possible. Having men expanding feminist ideology so that it includes them can only be a good thing. Of course, this doesn't mean that we must do their job in bringing more men on board. But it DOES mean that we shouldn't poo-poo on men who embrace feminist ideals. And I've seen feminist do precisely that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-31605343242027336492008-03-10T02:49:00.000-07:002008-03-10T02:49:00.000-07:00From my unique perspective, I totally agree with y...From my unique perspective, I totally agree with you. I am 91% female and struggled for decades trying to be a man. Finally found love, acceptance and devotion in a woman named Joy.<BR/>Thanks for being here and writing so well.<BR/>Kathryn Cleve<BR/>91% Female<BR/>http://kdcleve.blogspot.com/Kathryn Clevehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09358256683688113950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-64471933230988232762008-03-09T18:31:00.000-07:002008-03-09T18:31:00.000-07:00PD, what a Guy - you so GET us!Seriously, I got a ...PD, what a Guy - you so GET us!<BR/><BR/>Seriously, I got a whole lot more in touch with my emotions when my wife and I had babies (two gurrrls) and have always been emotionally overt, which has made life as a construction worker both difficult and, occasionally, dangerous. There's no wrath quite like that reserved for men who willingly eschew their "male privilege" in favor of expressing their emotions.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for this brilliant post, and for your understanding of me and my brothers as Human Beings, unrestricted by pre-shrunk gender roles.The Cunning Runthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11480635074548499383noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-73377231461168379112008-03-08T22:14:00.001-08:002008-03-08T22:14:00.001-08:00oops ... that was me ... Nik.E.Poooops ... that was me ... Nik.E.PooAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-1656682786753658462008-03-08T22:14:00.000-08:002008-03-08T22:14:00.000-08:00Few things brighten my day ... as much as seeing t...Few things brighten my day ... as much as seeing that you've blessed the universe with another post. As soon as I saw tonight ... I stopped all other tubal activities, made some popcorn ... got a fresh cold beer ... and settled down to savor your every word.<BR/><BR/>I'm sure my mind will be aflutter for days hence. I involuntarily began to take inventory of men I know ... to see if I could summon an experience in which a man was openly and freely emotional around me. Sadly, despite having progressive, liberal and yes even feminist and soul searching-gender challenging types around ... I ended up having to go back some 10 years for a bonefide example.<BR/><BR/>So, I was reminded of some words of wisdom from Amy Madigan .. via Streets of Fire:<BR/><BR/><I>Some people that never talk about their feelings got 'em deeper than anybody. Other people never talk about their feelings 'cause they ain't got any.</I><BR/><BR/>teeheeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-42394556784461315552008-03-08T17:49:00.000-08:002008-03-08T17:49:00.000-08:00As usual, a standing o. I can really tell, when yo...As usual, a standing o. I can really tell, when you write stuff like this, that you want to make the world a better place (I could be wrong, but I like my illusions.) And I wholeheartedly appreciate it.mouthybitchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05803838450576158048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-57313377716171542442008-03-08T11:47:00.000-08:002008-03-08T11:47:00.000-08:00Great work Portly Dyke. I have seen the shift in ...Great work Portly Dyke. I have seen the shift in my husband since the birth of our daughter. He seems to struggle with his sensitivity/"manliness," but he is embracing his sensitivities for his daughter, and I think that is a big step.NameChangedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11870859491797704469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-12350648926124964182008-03-08T08:23:00.000-08:002008-03-08T08:23:00.000-08:00Thank you! As a mother of a 22 year old son, I ab...Thank you! As a mother of a 22 year old son, I absolutely cherish reading this. Long may you blog...<BR/>With love and appreciation,<BR/>KJKJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14273219514422872496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-78930201335553272182008-03-08T07:01:00.000-08:002008-03-08T07:01:00.000-08:00PD ...you are beautiful and brilliant, this is a w...PD ...you are beautiful and brilliant, this is a wonderful piece that I will pass along to some young men who fight this fight every day, and occasionally win ...<BR/><I>"The problem is:"</I> ...PD, you left out the question "...what, are you queer? ..." <BR/>I am one 65 year-old, straight, white man and as I get older it is difficult to decide whether the pressure is diminished or if I just don't give a shit anymore ... I hope I'm able to convey to my son and grandsons that "being a man" is tougher than <I>not</I> showing emotion....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4795483213843043301.post-59263353426949692332008-03-08T03:43:00.000-08:002008-03-08T03:43:00.000-08:00This is a brilliant post! As I raise my son, I try...This is a brilliant post! As I raise my son, I try so hard not to stifle those parts of him that are considered "feminine," but he gets the message from all around that tears are unacceptable, but that anger is okay.<BR/><BR/>And then we take him for treatment for his "anger." No wonder.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com